I can’t believe that I’ve been writing and documenting my journey to healing through therapy for 5 years THIS month!!!
I don’t think I could ever have imagined that I’d still be writing after all this time, when I first started.
I don’t think I could have envisioned what an epic struggle I was going to have. On some level I knew therapy was going to be super tough and long. But I don’t think you can ever fully understand what that will mean until you’re actually in it.
So much has changed in 5 years. I have learned so much about myself. When I started this blog, I thought I had borderline personality disorder. I fit a lot the symptoms and was the closest explanation I knew of to explain my pathological fear of abandonment.
I do not have BPD however. I have learned that I – or certain alters (Sofia) have traits, probably learned from a mother who would most likely have certified as BPD in her 20’s-40’s.
Over the years of reading tons of books and articles on trauma and disorganised attachment, and with my therapist, I have come to realise that I am suffering from disorganised attachment, DDNOS (Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) which is basically a subset of Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Everything makes sense now. And finally I am healing.
I’ve loved writing and meeting other bloggers, some of which have become cherished friends. I have loved connecting to others all over the world who have a similar story to tell.
This has been a 5 year rollercoaster! And I have definitely wanted off at times! Healing is not easy.
In celebration of my 5 years blogging, I have changed up my wordpress theme and I have designed a more “branded” look. Mostly for fun and partly just for a change. Everything evolves.
I have the idea that I’d like to take the blog in a slightly different direction. To blog in a more organised and serious way. I will still be blogging my sessions, that won’t change. But I think I’d like to add in more pages for mental health awareness, maybe tips for those starting in therapy, more articles or book reviews that have been helpful to me.
I wonder what your thoughts are on that?
Nothing is decided yet, it’s just ideas floating around in my head. But I have realised lately as you all know that the need to blog every detail of my sessions has waned. There’s many reasons for this that I’ve outlined in previous posts.
Sometimes it’s a bit of burn-out, sometimes it’s lack of time – in depth sessions that you’ve read here are often 10 pages long (printed out) and can take me around 7 hours to write!!
It’s a lot of work.
And also, sometimes I need to and want to save my emotional energy for other things – like my art business which takes up the majority of my time these days.
So posting other things, that take less time and energy but can be equally helpful to others feels like a way to stay connected to you all and something new and fun for me that doesn’t quite eat into my time so much as blogging huge long posts.
As I said, I will still be blogging my sessions, I need that for myself and it’s what this blog is ultimately about. But new things ahead, maybe?
Anyway, Happy 5 years to me!
P.S – I’ve never stuck to anything for 5 years before!! I am a prolific quitter!