Meet the family.

I am currently working on mapping out all my parts and what their job is in the system. I have found pictures online to show what they look like in my mind. I can’t get an exact likeness but the picture I’ve found are most similar to what each part looks like to me.

I’ve only done a few so far. It takes so long!

So, meet my parts….

businesswoman

The Editor

Very tough boss lady. She controls output from the parts. She is almost like a gatekeeper, and is mostly around when the system is out in public or with people who aren’t close to us or trustworthy. She is the one who most on alert. She doesn’t let the younger ones speak very often because she’s mostly working for Sirena the adult. She keeps everything looking normal and age appropriate and she often will stop the stroppy teens from being really rude or acting out in a way that would normally destroy relationships and she stops the little ones taking over and saying the things they want to say because they have no filter and they might say things that Sirena doesn’t want said or isn’t ready to reveal and also to stop them showing themselves to unsafe people. It isn’t appropriate for adult Sirena to play or speak or feel like the children do.

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The Editor’s team. (Junior Editors.)

They are there in the absence of The Editor, they are slightly less strict than The Editor. But their responsibility is the same ; to control what the parts say or how they say it. For example, if a younger part is being very rude or disrespectful or revealing too much information that leaves the system vulnerable or might put us in danger from judgement or being disbelieved then the Editors will work to censor that material or water it down to sound more appropriate. They are responsible for us showing a cohesive front. So we look like and act like the one same person at all times.

They can control what emotions we show, what we say and how we act. They are extremely hard to get things past. Especially when around people we don’t trust. But once trust is established they loosen the reign a bit and let more than normal through.

The Editor and team aren’t really fully formed parts I don’t think. They are more like fragments with just one job. They are like an admin system/gate-keeper… not fully conscious, thinking personalities. Kind of like a computer. Though they do talk, advise not to allow things through, they remind me of a little conscience on my shoulder.

The only time parts can overtake them is if there’s significant amount of stress or anger or fear or dissociation etc. Sofia is a teen protector part and if she’s angry enough, or feel strongly enough about something, she can surpass them. If a child part is hugely distressed, then sometimes they can get through too.

And the parts can also come through if they are with a trusted person. The Editors seem to relax then and the parts get through easier.

sofia

Sofia.

Sofia is a teen part. She is 18 years old. Her job is to protect. She is the first line of defence.

She is fierce and rebellious. She hates rules and other people’s boundaries but she doesn’t like other people disrespecting her boundaries and will kick back vehemently if they try. She is a leader not a follower.

Sofia needs her freedom. Rules and boundaries make her feel hemmed in and very unsafe and she panics. She doesn’t like adults or people with power over her. She doesn’t like to be controlled. She is fiercely independent.

Sofia is funny and charismatic and intelligent and loves to shock. She has quite a dark sense of humour, very sarcastic and quick-witted, she can find something funny even in the darkest of subjects. She says what everyone else is probably thinking. She’s fiercely protective of herself. She doesn’t trust anyone.

Sofia in a good mood is a good person to have around. She can get quite hyper and doesn’t care what people think. She is good natured and kind and an extremely loyal and protective friend.

She has a self-destructive streak; she’ll take risks, drink hard, take drugs if offered them. She will purposely attempt to break her relationships in an attempt to test people. She is testing their limits, their loyalty and their love. This is her way of seeing if someone is trustworthy and reliable. Most leave and that’s awful and painful but if anyone stays…. Then they are people who she will begin to trust and let in. Sometimes it’s a way of finding out how a person really feels about her. Sofia doesn’t let herself get attached to or need anyone.

Sometimes Sofia wants to die and she might take overdoses. Sofia is really sad and alone. She holds within her a lot of pain and a lot of betrayal and a lot of trauma. She feels very unloved. No one likes her, no one understands her and no one wants to learn to understand her and no one loves her enough to commit to her.

Sofia feels completely alone in a huge world. She’s really capable of doing everything herself, and has been surviving on her own for so long. But she desperately wishes she had a secure home, a secure and safe base that she can return to. She wishes she had a family who liked her and loved her and offered her a nurturing environment.

Sofia is constantly surviving, hyper-vigilant and has great skills to help her survive. But she has really missed being able to relax, or being able to feel safe anywhere. She’s never had anyone to ask about how to do life things, she’s always had to sort of figure things out for herself.

When Sofia feels threatened or rejected or abandoned she brings rage. And often will sabotage relationships for reasons I’m not always sure of. It seems like she might even sabotage if she’s bored or not getting enough attention.

In some ways Sofia seems older than her years, but her brokenness and her vulnerability sometimes make her much younger than her 18 years.

Sofia wants to travel the world. She wants to see everything. She wants to meet new people, try out lots of different lives. She wants to work in humanitarian projects abroad. And one day maybe become a social worker or psychologist.

mia

Mia.

Mia is 13. She is a stroppy, huffy and sometimes dramatic teen. She’s pretty harmless. When she speaks she exaggerates everything for dramatic affect. For example “ You ALWAYS…….”  Or “ I’ve done this 600 times!!!”

I think she’s a younger version of Sofia. She likes to push boundaries. She likes to push people’s buttons. She will also drink and smoke if she can get her hands on it. She likes to shock!

Mia is very vulnerable. She knows adults hurt her and leave her. She has no trust in any of them. She just wishes her mum was around. Mia feels very alone and very scared of the future, she desperately wants to leave home but doesn’t know how. Mia just wants a family like the ones on tv. Or someone just to notice her. Mia gets attached to people but never shows it.

Mia struggles with concentration. She’s clever but can’t see through the fog sometimes. Mia feels like she doesn’t have anyone to lead her through growing up and she doesn’t know how to do it by herself. Everyone has a family and she doesn’t. No one is looking at her, no one is interested in her.

Mia likes purple and bright pink. She loves neon colours and nail varnish and make-up. She loves animals. She also loves patterned socks and jammies. Sometimes she likes being a grown up and sometimes she wants to be a young child again. She likes hot chocolate, cosy blankets, reading, rainy days.

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Keira.

Keira is 6 or sometimes 7, but mostly 6.

Keira is a traumatised child part. She has intense attachment difficulties and is an abandoned child. She attaches to adults quite easily but also has intense mistrust of them and expects them to leave her. She gets easily distressed when an attachment figure leaves. She wants to be with them constantly. She hates space or distance. She’s happiest when merged with an attachment figure. Anything less than that is extremely frightening and abandoning. She wishes someone would adopt her and be her good mummy.

Keira cries a lot. And holds a lot of terror of rejection or abandonment. She’s very sensitive to it and is hyper-vigilant. Keira knows about the abuse. She draws pictures of it a lot. Keira finds the world really scary. Sometimes she cries and rocks herself over and over.

Keira likes cuddly toys and story books. She also really like tiny worlds like little figurines or dioramas (the little scenes inside a box). She likes care bears, my little pony, gems, anything sparkly, dressing up, high heels, costume jewellery, she likes fairies and unicorns and rainbows and stars.  She like to make tents and safe places to hide. She likes red ribbons and bows and black patent shoes.

*************************************************************************************

So that’s as far as I’ve got so far. Those are the main ones that I know about. There are some others that I’ll try to document at some point.

 

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9 thoughts on “Meet the family.

  1. Paper Doll says:

    This was really interesting, and I’m glad to meet them all. I identify quite strongly with a lot of what you wrote about Sofia. Xx thank you for sharing

    • Sirena says:

      I will help more once I have written down more of the other parts that I can’t quite get straight in my head. These first ones are quite well known to me already. And I guess they’re similar to most people’s adult, teenager, child ego states.

  2. This little mind of mine says:

    I was really struck by reading about Sofia, it just made me recall several previous posts and they seemed to match in some way, when I’d previously assumed it would be the editor.
    I can really get the sense for Keira too, I’m so sorry that she suffered what she did and had her innocence and sense of safety destroyed 😟 x

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